Read+what+we've+written

Read What We've Written!

Room 1 - Term 3 - Week 6
Room 1 has been writing short narratives in class. We have been using the author cycle to refine our writing. We got to choose our subject and characters, but our writing had to show evidence of these writing features.

1. Correct use of punctuation such as full stops, commas, and capitals.  2. A story that's organised into ideas - with one idea per paragraph.  3. A topic sentence in each paragraph.  4. A structure that is sensible and not random  eg. If it's a mystery story, then characters shouldn't be cartoon characters.... unless it's a cartoon mystery story!  5. Sensible use of adjectives and verbs to show action.  6. Sensible scene descriptions to support the story and the action.

Have a look at our writing - we've added a small blurb to explain our story - just like we would with Mr. Kong. We hope you enjoy them.

Fog the Frog. One day there sat a kind, small animal thats name was fog the frog. Fog the frog was a bubbly, energetic frog that bounces around. Fog the frog had a crazy idea to venture off into the forest and see where it takes him. “I'm going to the forest today!” Fog the frog beamed, for this was his first time in the forest and he was really excited. Fog the frog hadn't been thinking. He hadn't yet realized that he didn't know his way.

Little Fog the frog was not used to being so far away from home. So fog was getting really confused and became lost. Fog the frog kept walking and walking and walking but only resulted in becoming more and more confused. Fog the frog was getting really tired and began to get drowsy.

Then suddenly there was a rustle in the bushes. Fog the frog was getting suspicious and wasn't sure what creatures could be lurking. Fog the frog hopped closer and closer until the suspicious rustling sound reveled its self. And who else than Samel the camel was to pop out of the bushes! Samel the camel was also confused and had lost his way.

So Fog the frog and Samel the camel stayed with each other with hope that they would find there way out. They kept stumbling and mumbling, but they could not find there way home. The sun had set and the moon was up and it was becoming very, very dark.

Fog the frog and Samel the camel had to keep walking or they might get even more confused. “Just face it, We're lost!!” complained Samel the camel, But Fog the frog had not lost hope. They soon came to a path. A path that they had not come across before. “Huh?” mumbled Samel the camel. For he was NOT the smartest cookie in the jar. Fog the frog thought it would be a good Idea to follow the path and see where it takes them because they could have just been walking around in circles. Samel the camel disagreed and thought they should stick to the path they were on. Samel and Fog kept arguing and arguing till they decided to take separate paths. Fog the frog took the pathway while Samel the camel kept going through the bushes. Fog the frog was smarter than Samel and soon found found his way out and back home.

Fog the frog was feeling guilty about leaving Samel the camel in the forest all by himself and decided to be a hero and go back into the forest to rescue Samel the camel. when he got into the forest he didn't know where Samel was. But to fogs surprise he managed to find Samel weeping under a tree. “Whats wrong?” fog asked Samel. “IM LOST!!!!!” screamed Samel. Fog the frog explained to Samel the camel why he had come back and calmed him down a bit. Fog and Samel walked back through the forest, onto the path and made there way back home. From then on Samel the camel and Fog the frog became best friends, despite there size difference.

Lily & Erana

Fakanaka island. One sunny morning, two excited teenagers were looking forward to going on their wonderful boat ride to Kudamara island. “All set to go, “exclaimed Bronny. “Let's... go then” replied Stacey. They packed their bags and headed to the wharf.

They got on and sat down on fancy sun chairs and sipped drinks. The boat started to rock violently. “Hold on everybody we're half way to Kudamara Island”shouted the captain though his speaker. “I get so sea sick” Stacey shouted at the top of her voice because it was so hard to hear. Suddenly the boat started to tip over while the waves started getting bigger and bigger. Every single passenger was putting their life jackets on.

Stacey and Bronny were getting worried because they couldn't see anyone any more. But when they were thinking of their actions to do next Bronny pointed out and island that she could see. They both jumped overboard and swam to the island. It did not look like Kudamara Island. Then Bronny pointed out a sign saying... “Welcome to Fakanaka island. But it looked very dirty. They both agreed that they should start making progress... and that the island was gross. Stacey started a fire and found some huhu grubs to cook. After a few huhu grubs they started to gather up some sticks and big leaves to make a tent for the night.

Eventually it was morning. “Ahhhhhhh Im so tired I had such a bad sleep”, yawned Bronny releasing then that Stacey was still asleep. Stacey finally woke up to the sound of singing and jumping. “Whats that sound?” Stacey asked. They crawled out of the tent to find a bunch of people singing and dancing around a new born child. “Everyone stand to give your blessing to Ojo Mojo Fitamara Ko” someone screamed. Before stacey and bronny could say ojo mojo fitamara ko, they got shoved into a box. “Let us out!” they both screamed. They both felt still a bit sleepy so they closed their eyes and fell into a deep sleep...

When Stacey and Bronny woke up they felt them selfs rocking slightly almost as like they were on a boat. “Ahhhhhh where are we?”asked Stacey. So Bronny looked out of a hole in the crate to find they were on a boat. All she could see was the turquoise ocean. Then there was a sudden jolt. They were being dropped into the sea. When they went under the water they both thought they were going to drown because of the weight of the crate. But to their surprise the box started floating. But they still couldn't get out.....

NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!!!!!

Two girls from Wellington called Bronny and Stacey were supposed arrive at Kudamara island a week ago and back in Wellington by now but are reported missing. They were last seen jumping overboard a sinking boat..........

By Bronny and Stacey

The Day It Came For Me It all started with a rumor.

Apparently there was a haunted apartment on our apartment block and something unspeakably evil something with glasses something with breath like yoghurt that went off 4 years ago something with chalk ready to throw like a tracer that can split your head in half.

Being curious and foolhardy my friends Cato and Hiroshuki and I decided to explore. It was a warm day but as we approached a shiver ran down my spine. They say that this happens when someone walks over the spot where your grave will be dug your corpse put in and where your dead body will lie for eternity. I wonder whether my grave will be in use very, very soon.

There was such a sense of mystery and evil about this apartment. I wasn't quite so sure now whether we should go in. But my friends were already opening the front door and i couldn't just desert them. We let ourselves in it was dark and already i was terrified of what lay within apartment 666.

I heard a noise a sort of bump from the cupboard next to me but my friends didn’t hear. I was so terrified that whilst my friends were exploring another room i let myself out the front door and bolted. Not till i was a block away did I hear the screams. I ran home quickly and boarded up the windows for protection. However I know that my futile attempts will be in vain as the force I am up against will be unstoppable. Now they will, seek me, come for me and as I lie on my bed I know that I will suffer a fate worse than death:

I will become a teacher.

By Barnaby and Gianni

Mira's Narrative Creak, I turned over and looked at my alarm clock, it was 7.30. I sighed and dragged myself out of bed. I went outside into the hallway and looked down the stairs, it was unusually quiet for a Saturday. They're probably just sleeping in, I thought as I stumbled into the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and felt around for the light switch.

Suddenly a dark hooded figure lunged out at me aiming at my neck, I screamed and ducked out of the way, just in time too, the hooded figure crashed loudly into the door. I flicked the light on and screamed even louder, “ Shut up, and come with me” sneered the hooded figure.

He tightened his grip around my wrist and pulled me out the door. Hundreds of questions where running around my head, where were mum and dad? Who was this hooded man? Is he kidnapping me? But, I had no time to answer any of my questions, because suddenly, he was dragging me down the stairs with his hand over my mouth. “ Mmmmhp?” I mumbled. “ I said shut up” he sneered.

Up close, I could see his face, his hood had come off, he had dark brown hair and stone-cold eyes. Hoody, pushed me out the door and dragged me out to a beaten up old car, with it's rusty black paint coming off. He took his hand off my mouth and shoved me into the car, “ Get in, you little brat” Hoody got into the drivers seat and backed down the street.

I couldn't bear it anymore, I needed to know some answers, so finally I took up the courage and asked timidly “ Are you kidnapping me” Hoody replied harshly “ Well what do you think I'm doing taking you to a party?” I quickly shook my head. Bring, ring, I jumped, Hoody pulled out his cell-phone and muttered “ Now what”, “ What's up boss, got any news,” he spoke into his phone. Someone replied back on the other line, but I couldn't quite catch what was being said. “ So, what shall do with the kid, how much are we holding her for?”

I looked up, frightened, what where they going to do to me?

Hoody hung up and pulled into another driveway, there was an old brick house. “ Get out” Hoody demanded. I pushed open my rusty door, and jumped out onto the cracked stone ground. Hoody, dragged me up the rough concrete stairs and shoved me inside the rusty smelling house.

I heard loud noises coming from upstairs, Hoody turned around and muttered something under his breath. He grabbed my hand so suddenly that I almost fell over. Hoody dragged me up the stairs and shoved me harshly into a half-lit room. Sitting around a table where 3 other men, they seemed to have been looking at a old map. One of the men, who seemed to be the boss, stood up and spoke to Hoody, “ You got her here safely then?” “ Absolutely,” Hoody said standing up proud. “ Well, now we can make the call!” the boss said triumphantly. He grabbed a phone from the corner of the room and started dialing. “ We have your daughter, if you want her back leave $1 million in the tree by North Lake” and like that he hung up and glared around the room. “ You” he said pointing at me, “ come here” I shuffled forward immediately, “ stay here, and don't move until we get back” he growled.

I sat down in a rough looking chair and watched as all the men filed out one by one out the door and down the stairs. I stared out the window, thinking what are they going to do to me? Suddenly, a small rock flew neatly through the window. I rushed forward, and grabbed the rock, tied to it was a small piece of white paper. I quickly untied the note and read it, it said “ Amy, stay where you are, we are coming to get you. P.S: Happy Birthday!” Mum.

I gasped, with all the excitement I had forgotten it was my birthday! I looked out the window, surrounding the house was 5 uniformed cops. I heard quick footsteps coming up the stairs. I stared at the door, as the doorknob turned slowly, the men where back! “ You, come with us, and keep your mouth shut” one of the men growled. He grabbed me by my wrist and dragged me roughly down the stairs, the other men followed behind loudly on the staircase. I got shoved out the door while the other men followed behind, suddenly!

“ Hand's up” a loud voice said. I spun around the cops had the men surrounded. They handcuffed the men and shoved them into their police car. “ Amy, Amy are you okay” I heard my mum shout out. I ran towards her and wrapped my arms around her. “ Mum” I said, tears streaking down my cheeks. Behind her stood me dad and my little brothers. I cried even harder and hugged my dad. “ Amy, back!” my 2-year-old brother cried. I picked him up and cuddled him.

The cops where wall smiling at us, “ We'll see you at the police-station, then ma'am” one of the cops said smiling. My mum nodded and smiled back. We all walked back to the car and drove off home,

I ran up to my room and smiled, I was back home! Suddenly, the door burst open, my whole family was standing by the door holding a cake. I had almost forgotten it was my birthday! They started singing “ Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Amy, Happy Birthday to you!”

I smiled and blew out all 11 candles in one blow. Wow! So much had happened today!“ Yeah” my 2-year-old brother Benny screamed. I laughed and hugged him, happy to be with my family once again.

By Mira Karunanidhi

Nightmare-Based On A Real Nightmare! Malibu. 2.00 Am. 13th Of March 2012

It was a cold night. I stood on the foot path waiting for a cab. It was 2.00 in the morning. I decided, cabs don't come this late. I shrugged then stepped my foot onto the road. As I started walking I heard a noise. I turned. A giant bus came thundering around the corner. I ran. I dashed off the road and almost flew into a bush. A cold mist suddenly swirled around me. And no, it wasn't because it was night and it was in mid winter. Then that's when it hit me. It was a ghost bus. I shivered and started walking home. All of a sudden a hooded figure came behind me.

I started running. He started running. I sprinted. He sprinted. All of a sudden he caught up to me. I don't remember how but I ended up in a dusty dark alleyway. “What d-do you want with with me?” I stammered. “You are one of the chosen. You have powers that only mere mortals can only imagine.” the hooded figure replied. I felt a burn of confusion, excitement and anger all at the same time. “How do I know your lying.....?” I asked cautiously, backing away slowly. The hooded figure laughed. “You are not a normal girl and I know why.” he replied.

I ran. I glanced back while I was running. He was gone! I only blinked and he was gone! I sprinted home. When I arrived home I noticed that my back door was wide open. I walked inside. “Mum and Dad should be up by now”, I thought nervously as I checked my watch. The watch read 6.30 am. “Maybe they are in bed.” I ran upstairs. “MUM! DAD! ANYBODY?” I called desperately. No reply. I checked the house desperately, hoping to find a trace of mum and dad. I ran back down into the kitchen. I sat down on a chair. “Maybe the could be on a walk or something. I wouldn't worry. They will be back soon.”

Just then my stomach groaned. I sighed. I opened the fridge. All that was in there was a giant Coca Cola can, An apple and a microwavable pizza. I smiled. Mum would NEVER let me have this for breakfast. I ate and drank contently. Suddenly I turned on the TV just in time for my favorite show. Half way through Short land Street it was interrupted for a special news report. I looked at it just in case. My jaw dropped. It had a picture of my, parents. They had been murdered! I dropped my pizza and walked to the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet and cried for a while, wiping my eyes every now and then.

I suddenly jerked awake. The noise made me jump. I can't believe I fell asleep on the toilet. I heard some voices and footsteps coming up the stairs. I gulped. I frantically dashed around trying to find a hiding spot. Then it hit me. The attic! I climbed up the trapdoor quickly hoping I wouldn't be seen. As I was searching for a place to hide in the attic, I knocked something over which made a HUGE noise that echoed around the house. I gasped. Maybe I gasped a little to loud and........

I totally forgot to close the trapdoor. “Stupid, Stupid.” I muttered to myself as the noises got louder. I frantically glanced around hoping that I would not be found. I gulped as I hid.

I hoped it wouldn't be the last time I would see life because I love my life. Suddenly the noises came into the attic. I gulped. I shut my eyes and started playing like the world would end tonight. Maybe it was a zombie apocalypse! Maybe it was a mass murderer! Maybe it was an evil clown. Suddenly the voice came to where I was. I held my breath. It was an evil zombie clown holding an axe! Suddenly the axe came down and the world went black....

I woke up sweating and shaking. I smiled a sign of relief and got up, glad that the world hadn't ended for me for now....

By Charlotte.

Max The Cat's San Diego Adventure Once there was a cat called Max, who lived in pet shop in Ensenada, Mexico. Max had been on lots of adventures in his lifetime, but this adventure was by far the most exciting, and that is exactly what this story is about.

One bright, sunny, summer morning, Max the cat declared to his boisterous pet shop companions, that it was the perfect morning to set off on another adventure. “Today I will be leaving the pet shop to embark on an exciting adventure over the border to San Diego” boasted Max.

Day 1, First Day

Today I embarked on my latest adventure. I am now in San Diego sitting inside a very small, very scratchy bush, near the entrance of the World Renowned San Diego Zoo. My short, thin, legs are very tired due to the long walk from Ensenada, so I am just about to lay down on my DIY leaf bed, and go to sleep. In the morning I intend on sneaking into the zoo to observe some of the amazing wild life.

Day 2

Today was very exciting, because I risked my life venturing into the zoo, only to find myself back outside the front gate again. If you don't understand what I mean then I'll explain it very quickly, as soon as I reached the Eagle exhibit a Zoo Keeper picked me up and dumped me back outside the front gate.

After that attempt failed dramatically, I decided to improve my plan. I would explain my new plan to you, but I suspect that you would get very bored during the explanation, because it is very long and complex.

Anyway, so I tried my new plan... It worked!

My favourite exhibits were the Pandas, the Lions and the Elephants.

At 6.00 o'clock PM I left the zoo, to retire back to my small, scratchy, bush for the night. Tomorrow I am going to take a stroll through Balboa Park in the central city.

Day 3

Today my adventures have taken me to Balboa Park, this central city location is very well known for its’ stunning sculptures, nature and museums. I really enjoyed visiting the, Air and Space Museum, the Science Museum and the recreation of the Globe Theatre. I also thought that the garden house was absolutely beautiful.

I better get some rest now, because I do not want to be tired for the day ahead of me. I am not going to tell you where I am going tomorrow, because I would like it to be a surprise.

Day 4

Today’s adventure has been located at Sea World. I have thoroughly enjoyed my day at Sea World, because I saw my first whale! They are much bigger than the bright, yellow goldfish back home at the pet shop. During the “Shamu the Whale Show”, I experienced a lot of jumping and swimming from the whales, and a lot screaming, shouting and clapping from the human audience (they tend to get overly excited at events of this sort).

Another reason why I enjoyed the day was because I faced my scariest fear and tried something new… I went on a journey to Atlantis. Well I didn’t actually go to Atlantis, I just went on a thoroughly enjoyable roller coaster ride called “Journey to Atlantis” which was a combination of a very fast boat ride, and a roller coaster ride.

I have decided that if I ever do visit San Diego again, Sea World will definitely be near the top on my list of things to do.

Anyway, tomorrow is the last day of my San Diego adventure, so I will try to make the most of it by not being tired and sleepy all day. Tomorrow I will be traveling by paw, to Fashion Valley Mall because I would like to purchase some keepsakes to show all of my rowdy companions back in the pet shop.

Goodnight.

Day 5, Last Day

Some people think that a day at the shops is very calm and relaxing. Well if you think that, think again, because my day at the shops was anything but calm and relaxing.

All of today’s chaos started as I was casually strolling across the 6 lane freeway. Certain people may instantly think that this is a very bad idea, but it was the quickest way to get from my small bush near the entrance of San Diego Zoo to Fashion Valley Mall. When suddenly, a kind red car that stopped to let me cross, got crashed into by a very large yellow bus. Soon after this accident happened the same thing happened between the blue car that stopped for me, and the black car that seemed to be driving at a higher speed than what it was meant to be driving at.

After the fifth car accident that I caused, I could hear a large number of sirens getting closer, so I decided it was time for me to stop casually strolling, and start hurrying.

As I approached the mall, I could feel a sense of excitement running down my furry back… it was huge! So many shops to visit and so little time to visit them.

The first shop I tried was called San Diego Souvenirs. As I entered the shop, I saw a wire rack holding hundreds of key rings with surf boards on them, I decided to buy 5 of them, one for me, and one for each of my pet shop friends. Then a thought struck my mind, how was I to get the key rings from the rack that was approximately 93.5 centimetres above my small yet intelligent head. I then quickly formulated a plan to vigorously shake the rack with my paw so that some key rings would fall off the rack onto the polished floor.

I tried my plan, it worked tremendously well! But it was a shame that I got handed over to the animal control unit before I could get my paws on a single key ring.

Luckily, I escaped from them before they put me in one of those tiny little cages meant for rabbits.

Anyway, I am very proud of my escape from the clutches of the Animal Control Officer, because I used my untrimmed claws to scratch the officer’s face until he eventually dropped me and ran off to find some form of medical attention.

After this dramatic saga, I decided that it was time for me to head back to the bush. Due to my bad experience on the freeway earlier on today, I thought that it would be safer for everyone if I went the long way back… so that is exactly what I did.

When I arrived at my bush I discovered that the wind had blown my DIY bed away, so I had to make a new one.

My new bed is better than my old one because I added in a few more layers of grass to create a more comfortable place to sleep.

Even though I did not make any purchases at the mall, I still had an exciting yet chaotic day.

I will be returning to the pet shop tomorrow, Goodnight.

So this concludes Max the cat’s San Diego adventure. Max is really looking forward to his next adventure… he’s already planning it now!

By Claire Davis